But like anal isn’t my thing
Something I’ve realized lately is that love doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. And I’ve learned this from personal experiences and from watching others go through the same thing. I spent 2-3 months trying to feel better and find myself after two years with someone.
I had to sit there and think about all of the things he’s admitted to doing in the past and I had to watch him leave and spend the next two months with someone else. And it was tough, but I held my shit together and surrounded myself with the people I needed and I made progress. But that didn’t mean that at the end of the day my heart didn’t still hurt for the one I wanted to be with regardless of everything. I was empty and sad and no matter how good of a day I had, deep down I was so broken but I knew how to hide it. I could hide it until I went on here and spilled my heart out because it was the only way I could finally take a weight off of my shoulders. Also because part of me knew he’d see and he could read all the things I was afraid to admit to him.
No one wants to admit that they still love the person who did them wrong. You look stupid and desperate and it looks like you are weak and don’t know how to move on. But love doesn’t care if you look stupid, you’re going to love the person you love. And I’ve learned that doesn’t make you weak at all. You can’t control how you feel sometimes. You can’t force yourself to not love someone, to not care about the person who you made your other half. You can’t force yourself to move on if you can’t or if you’re not ready to. You fell in love with them for a reason. There were a million reasons why I fell in love and I look at him and still see those parts, even if there are still reasons why I can’t look him in the eyes. No one wants to run back to someone who hurt them so bad. And I didn’t run back, I tried to move forward, as did he, and look where we are now. I loved him during those three months we were apart whether I will admit it to myself or not. And it’s apparent he loved me, too. And I can understand that he met someone new and developed feelings for her, and he can understand that I ran to other people out of hate and lonliness, but there was just always something there that would bring us back together again and I just accepted it.
I don’t know if it’s because we both can’t let go, or because we’re trying to both be better, or because we love each other too much and everything else in between, or if our souls just want to be close or if it’s because we’re really meant to be, or because we’re only going to part ways again in the future. And I don’t really care, but we are where we are for a reason. I don’t even necessarily think I’ll find out that reason anytime soon. But for right now, I’m happy that I can look at him and still feel love for him even though we put each other through hell and back. And that love is genuine, I’ll tell you that much.
You look like LAAANNNAAAAA
One on the way :-)