Going out tonight made me think about one of my favorite memories with you. It was when we stayed at a hotel for the first time and in the middle of the night we just got Jack In The Box and then came back to the room to finish season 8 of Supernatural. You were my best fucking friend and I know you hated me calling you that but I enjoyed every second of being there with you and everything about that night just made me so happy to have you. What sucks is that it’ll only be a memory now and I just have to shrug it off and smile even though those types of things are something I miss quite often. There are so many small moments that I wish I could relive with you because they warm my heart. I still think about your hand grabbing mine when I’m driving listening to the music we always used to listen to, I still look over and picture you there in my passenger seat like you always used to be and my heart hurts, but what can I do? I’ve tried to keep you out of my head, I spent a damn good amount of time trying to be okay without you here and I made progress, I have. But some nights just fucking kill me. I know you don’t miss it, I know you don’t think about these things like I do. And you shouldn’t considering you’ve had someone new ever since you left to help keep your mind off of me. But to be honest, I think we both knew what you were thinking when you were in my room again. We both fucked up but I know that in those two years, what we had was so fucking real and even through all the fighting and crying and cheating, I still loved you. And I do now. But could you say the same?
EAT A DICK RYAN I DONT WANNA DO THIS
I have so many random voicemails from you still saved on my phone.. thankfully they’re all of you yelling at me or being frustrated with me because if I heard your voice tell me that you love me, it would probably rip me to pieces. It’s 4 am and I hate that your voice sounds so unfamiliar.